Toys for the Boys
by Roger Day
As a Certified Play Therapist and a man, I believe it is important when working with boys and young men to have therapy tools that have ‘boy appeal’.
It is politically correct to suggest that ‘boys’ play’ is merely learned from the environment. However, from both personal experience and observation of boys in play therapy, I am convinced that boys are different from girls in the way they play. Of course, some boys play with dolls and some girls play with cars. Yet the fact remains that the two-thirds of play therapy clients who are boys need approaches and techniques that enable them to express themselves as young males.
Noise and movement
When I first saw the animated film Cars, it had been dubbed into Romanian. I had thought it would be in English with Romanian subtitles, and at that stage I did not grasp the language. This meant I could watch the scenes without getting involved in the film and also note the reaction of the mainly male audience.
The film centres around a racing car called Lightning McQueen who ends up in a sleepy town off the main highway. Many people would think that fast cars would be the ultimate delight for boys. However, it was the scenes involving noisy machines with plenty of moving parts that caused the most laughter, gasps of delight and even applause.
The noisy, clanking tow-truck Tow Mater, with his buck teeth, funny voice and naughty tricks, outshone McQueen. So did the complicated resurfacing machine, with his hundreds of moving parts and the tarmac that sprayed everywhere. Best of all, though, were the sleeping tractors, who woke suddenly and in the noisiest and funniest way possible. Watch the film, and see the sort of things boys absolutely love.
The toys in my play therapy room include many items that are noisy and have moving parts, giving them ‘boy appeal’. In addition to the usual collection of toy cars, I have plenty of other machines – tractors, bulldozers, motorbikes, cranes and various diggers. I like to choose broken parts of machines that can be used to make imaginary complicated machines.
Other noisy items are quickly discovered by boys – a tiny box that plays the hurry-up tune from the TV series Countdown; a plastic disk launcher that has lost its disks but still makes a clicking noise; a plastic whistle from a Christmas cracker that sounds like a siren because of a spinning propeller inside. Any small noisy items will do. Invade a charity shop or take apart broken toys. Boys in play therapy would be delighted, for instance, with the music mechanism of an old music box.
Boys inevitably add their own voices to machines – brrr-ing, wrr-ing and brmm-ing through the sandtray and sometimes across the floor. This is natural for males. If a boy is being polite and whispering while using machines, I facilitate him in giving full vent to the noises, which are often accompanied by plenty of saliva!
For one 10-year-old with selective mutism such permission-giving was an audible therapeutic release – and a validation of his masculinity.
Bring in the army
Toy soldiers are a vital part of the play therapist’s toolkit. For boys, it is important also to include army vehicles, tents, camouflage nets, and miniature rifles, machine guns and bazookas.
One young client, whose family life was in chaos, spent every session meticulously setting up two armies, including all the sundries, spread out across a large area of the floor. There would then be huge explosions (and spraying of saliva!) as vast sections of the armies were destroyed. Then he would set everything up and start again. After several sessions his armies stayed longer and he began to regain control over his behaviour at home, which was at the root of many of the family problems. He used his natural male way of playing to begin resolving his problems.
Delightfully disgusting
The nursery rhyme says that little boys are made of ‘slugs and snails and puppy dogs’ tails’. My experience is that most boys love such disgusting things in the therapy room. They delight in my squashy transparent ball full of blood and maggots and a skull where eyeballs and brains can be squeezed out of the eye sockets. Many boys find healing through playing with them. Toy shops and joke shops are a good source for such items.
Many boys love dipping their fingers into pots of green slime and purple goo. A pot of noise putty brings plenty of giggles at the rude noises.
A 13-year-old boy came to life when he was able to coat his feet in hideous colours and do some foot painting (while the therapist ensured he did not slip over).
Hideous monsters can be a source of protection in boys’ play.
Male symbolism
Why do us males seem to enjoy worms, snakes and caterpillars so much? Perhaps Freud had a point in suggesting that boys have an obsession with the phallus!
The boys I work with love playing with a ball made up entirely of stretchy rubber fingers. They stretch them to the limit with lots of giggles. This is normal, healthy male behaviour, not a sign on its own of sexual abuse.
Ensuring that there are plenty of (subtle) phallic symbols in the therapy room helps to validate a boy’s masculinity.
Strength and muscles
Boys love their muscles. Getting a boy to show his arm muscles is a good beginning to a therapy session. Even a three-year-old eagerly bends his arm and squeezes his fist proudly.
Tests of strength can be used in play therapy. Be ready for arm wrestling or foot fights. Foot fights are best done on the floor, keeping soles of shoes touching and bending the knees slightly.
Most boys enjoy playing with the inflatable punchbag. I encourage them to make a noise with their mouth as they punch away. Younger boys love knocking the punchbag to the floor and lying on it, arms and legs wrapped tightly.
One six-year-old turned it into a floating log and started falling off into the rapids. When I offered my help, he refused, saying he wanted to drown. Many traumatic sessions later he began to emerge from the despair he felt as a result of abuse by someone he loved.
Cardboard boxes are important for boys. Boys test their strength by kicking them, jumping on them or ripping them to pieces.
An 11-year-old boy spent part of every session climbing into a cardboard box, using all his strength to squeeze his whole body into the confined space. Then he got the therapist to close the lid firmly before he dramatically burst out of it with delight. Only many sessions later did it emerge that he had had a lifelong fear of confined spaces!
Bodily awareness
A healthy boy is proud of his body, whether clean or caked in mud. Those who come for play therapy often have a reduced awareness of their bodies.
The well-known party game Twister, adapted with questions to build self-esteem, enables boys to re-acquaint themselves with body positions. It is a fun game in directive group therapy that also encourages appropriate physical contact, something that many boys find difficult.
Boys in the
With this in mind, my wife Christine and I developed the Body Awareness Game. This is based on the view that many emotional problems are held in the body. The game consists of 64 cards divided into eight sections, in different colours, each activity relating to the body. It includes a wide range of activities, from focusing on the taste and texture of chocolate to learning to do handstands.
In nondirective play therapy the child might choose a card at random and, with the therapist’s help, take part in the activity. In directive group or individual play therapy the therapist selects cards in advance and encourages the individual or whole group (including the therapist where feasible) to take part.
The Body Awareness Game is played without therapeutic comment. It enables the boy to assimilate into his body the therapeutic changes he needs. It could be considered especially for boys who dissociate their feelings. These include those who have problems of enuresis or encopresis, head banging or being accident prone. It might also be effective with boys who have dyspraxia, as well as those with autistic spectrum or sensory processing difficulties.
The Body Awareness Game is still at the testing stage. If readers would like to try it with boys and report the results, it would be a great help to our work here in
Our
Roger & Christine Day
Roger Day is a Certified Play Therapist and a UKCP Registered Psychotherapist, trainer and supervisor. He and his wife, Christine, live and work in